My 10 day Vipassana retreat in Hsin Shr, Taiwan–Part I

July 28, 2007

I decided back in March to do a course this summer. This would be my 3rd 10-day course in 8 years. Vipassana is a meditation technique which, according to the literature, is an ancient Indian technique whch was rediscovered by Sidharta Gotama (The Buddha) 2,500 years ago. They go on to say:

Vipassana is a way of self-transformation through self-observation. It focuses on the deep interconnection between mind and body, which can be experienced directly by disciplined attention to the physical sensations that form the life of the body, and that continuously interconnect and condition the life of the mind. It is this observation-based, self-exploratory journey to the common root of mind and body that dissolves mental impurity, resulting in a balanced mind full of love and compassion.

The scientific laws that operate one’s thoughts, feelings, judgements and sensations become clear. Through direct experience, the nature of how one grows or regresses, how one produces suffering or frees oneself from suffering is understood. Life becomes characterized by increased awareness, non-delusion, self-control and peace.

My first course was in April of 2000 at the centre in Shelbourne, Mass. I stayed on for a second course immediately after the first, except this one I chose to serve as well. “Serving” a course means you become a worker for the duration of the course, cooking and cleaning for the benefit of those “sitting” the course. I found the experience to be of great benefit and, while I maintained my practice, I was able to sustain a level of harmony with myself and others that I had not before experienced. Of course, it was short-lived; I quickly let my practice slide after just a few months. Although much of the intellectual understanding remained, the day to day benefits also began to fade. Such is the way of “Anicca”, or Impermanence, with a capital I.
This year (from about February) has been a difficult one for me on a few levels. The vicissitudes of life took me on roller coaster rides for which I had a great deal of aversion. My ability to put into practice the motto “This too shall pass.”, or as Goenka calls it, equanimity, was greatly diminished. It was time for me to get down to some serious samadhi (meditative concentration) and panna (wisdom/understanding the true nature of things). My sila (morality) was already pretty good. Except for the porn…
As the starting day approached-July 11-I began to get anxious. I knew it was important that I monitor myself for expectations I might have. I also was a little fearful of the rigorous schedule: 4:00 am wake-up, 10 hours of sitting throughout the day with 2 breaks for breakfast and lunch (no dinner for old students) and another rest period, lights-out at 9:30. I tried to take a course about 4 years ago, but had to stop due to a nasty fever which would not break. At the time, I felt great dissapointment because of this (exactly the opposite reaction of what the tecnique teaches!). I hoped this feeling would not return to sabotage my current effort. And finally, I was extremely worried that my body would not be able to take all that sitting as well as I had managed it a few years back. One usually has to work through alot of pain, especially in the legs and back. It is one of the tools which makes this tecnique work. But for a couple of years now, I have pretty uncomfortable pain if I stay in any one position for more than 10 minutes, let alone 10 hours. This includes sitting on my comfy couch while I am being distracted by Deadwood or Six feet Under. Hell, I can’t even manage 10 minutes in one position while I am asleep, so claims my wife.
On the day, we all packed into the car and drove off to the hills behind our home. The centre is only 10 minutes away by car, a lucky boon. We arrived a few hours before the course was to begin. Though official silence was not yet in effect (you can’t have any verbal or visual contact with anyone except the Assistant Teacher or Course Manager for the duration of the course), an air of peace and quiet permeated the entire grounds. An atmosphere that was quickly dispelled by my two children running around like maniacs, screaming at the top of their lungs. I could see that some of the fellow meditators were already trying hard to observe their sensations!
The first 2 days were hell. So much pain! It turns out I can no longer sit in the position I am accustomed to, at least not for those prolonged periods. I finally gave in, and approached the A.T. with this problem. She suggested a back rest, which I tried for a couple of sits. I approached the A.T. again and told her it wasn’t helping. She said that a chair would be placed at the back and I could use that. Oh no! A chair! Why, that would make me a veritable Vipassana pussy, a mollified mediocre meditator! Again, I conceded. Although not ideal, It did allow me to sit for more than 10 minutes at a time. Unfortunately, it also made me very drowsy-not uncomfortable enough, I guess.
This is the end of Part I. Ill finish this one up later this weekend.
In the meantime, if you are interested, you can click through and listen to a podcast of a Goenka talk in Cupertino, California.

Posted in personal, taiwan