A useful boy is a happy boy

April 2, 2006

A useful boy is a happy dad, in any case. It was fun watching him get into it, get all lathered up. I hate to be the one to break it to myself, but the utilitarian aspect of our relationship makes for good loving. To watch Isha do things which would normally have taken an adult to do is a strange feeling. It’s like waking up 20 minutes late for work, and just before you spring out of bed, you realize it’s Sunday. We are both gratified; he gets to sense my satisfaction and momentary elation. APPROVAL.

Surely some parents find it easy to let their children discover their limits, (in this case ‘their’ referring to both parties) by imitating mom and dad, even at the expense of a broken dish, scratched CD or razor blade cut. This is not me. I find myself often compartmentalizing what I think my children can do—assumptions based part on observation, part on wishful thinking. So when Isha says, “Dad, can I wash your motorcycle, too?” Immediately I say no, for no other reason than that he has never washed my bike before. This is incredibly limiting for both of us, but especially for him. It is taking quite a bit of training for me to get past this automatic response mechanism. But you know, one does what one can. The most important thing is to improve our ability to see how one actually is, rather than waste time on how we would like to be. As my awareness of my shortcomings as a parent deepens, they slowly transform effortlessly. The key is to remain equanimous, without self judgment. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go prevent my daughter from trying to spread peanut butter on her toast. She couldn’t possibly do that without making a mess…

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